What to Do About Daddy?

[Woodmonkey]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,143352,00.html

[Caldric]

It is well past time for this nation to face up to the fact that fathers are equal to the mother over their children. The outlandish treatment of fathers by child support enforcement agencies and courts ignoring the right of fatherhood when it is convenient has gone on far too long. The legislation has given almost a free hand against fathers by the courts and Child Support Enforcement with no regard to what it does to families. I talk of child support because I know men who are crushed by it, financially and emotionally. There are no regulations in regard to what the person receiving child support does with the money, in many states there is no concern for other children the father may have in a new family which causes untold amounts of strain on his other children and family.

In divorce in many states joint custody is not a first option, many fathers must fight hard and many lose in court when trying to gain the same rights as mothers. The father is almost considered guilty and must prove his right to be a father, it is wrong and unjust.

There are many fathers who abandon their children, who skirt child support. They are not the majority however, there are millions of fathers who love their children and do everything possible to help raise them. However the courts and legislators ignore these millions and throw them all into one big pile of "dead beat dads". A phrase coined during the 90's when sweeping laws went into effect to punish the ones who did not pay for their children and in so doing as in most things when you beat the drums of hysteria they did not consider the millions of good fathers. The laws never took into account trying to nurture families instead it was all about money and nothing to do with fatherhood or education.

I have a friend who has custody of his son, he raises him and has done so since he was 5 months old when his wife and the boy's mother ran off with another man. The boy is 4 years old now and never has he received money. He could careless about the money, he is so afraid that if he even brings up the issue of child support it will take him to court and he is afraid that the mother would demand the son back and he would have no chance of winning in the current court system. Of course they would go after her and any judge with a heart would never do such a thing, but the fear is all to real for him and he would never chance it.

Fathers have every right a mother does, how they can put a child up for adoption without the fathers consent is a glowing attribute to what I am talking about. I am sorry for the child and the adoption parents and for the father and mother. It is all because fathers do not get the same rights as mothers when it comes to the children. It is well past time for that to change.

[SherryGrace]

I agree with much of what you say. You cannot ask someone to pay for a child, but have no ultimate say so. Makes zip sense.

Originally Posted by Caldric

There are no regulations in regard to what the person receiving child support does with the money, in many states there is no concern for other children the father may have in a new family which causes untold amounts of strain on his other children and family.

I laughed at my 1st husband when he said he was tired of paying for my beer. I politely showed him, on paper, the direct costs of raising our children. Half of their daycare, diapers, baby food, baby detergents, baby toiletries, clothes (not designer, I might add). Half of their portion of the water, gas, electric, and 2nd bedroom (a requirement of the law...vs 3 people sleeping in one room). At that point, I had WELL surpassed his child support. I did not have to even go into all the hidden costs, such as loss time from work, to take them to doctor's appts or stay home with them when they were sick, furniture (as they went from cribs to beds), recreational activities (toys, Birthday and Christmas toys and events, Halloween costumes, etc.) etc. etc. and etc. Not to mention that he DID NOT want custody of them (and NEVER came to see them), leaving me responsible for them 24/7 with no relief, unless I paid for it, and even then I was responsible. Put a price on that.

Needless to say, I did not complain. I wanted my children and did what I had to, but one complaint out of his mouth about how much "child support" cost him sent me in a tizzy. Idiot. I took just under 50% of the existing bills when we divorced. I had no money for beer. I did not go out and socialize, as I had no money to and no money for a sitter. I quit smoking for 6 months to have money to pay one of my credit cards off (remember, cigarettes didn't cost that much back in the early 80's). I was not living high.

You want to know what his reason for wanting to lower his child support? His new wife wanted to buy a home and they couldn't afford the mortgage. I told him that just like me, he had to live within the means left to him, AFTER he took care of his children.

Which brings me to say, if a man has "other" children in a "new" family, that is NO REASON to lower the support of his first set of children. He should have thought about that BEFORE he had more. How does it make sense for a responsible person to add to his load? Then demand that his first family suffer for it? He should be thinking of his first children FIRST, before he has a second one.

You know, you don't have to reproduce with every spouse you have. :icon_roll

[Caldric]

I understand Sherry, I am not by any means defending fathers that have nothing to do with their children. I was just speaking in general on fathers rights, such as this man in this case. They did not pay attention that he did not want the child put up for adoption and they should not have to pay attention it should be a requirement. There is nothing wrong with making it part of the system that the father has 30 days or something to come forward and sign the adoption agreement or if he does not then it can be a default judgement. It would end many heartaches.

[SherryGrace]

Originally Posted by Caldric

I understand Sherry, I am not by any means defending fathers that have nothing to do with their children. I was just speaking in general on fathers rights, such as this man in this case. They did not pay attention that he did not want the child put up for adoption and they should not have to pay attention it should be a requirement. There is nothing wrong with making it part of the system that the father has 30 days or something to come forward and sign the adoption agreement or if he does not then it can be a default judgement. It would end many heartaches.

I completely agree with that. I was just commenting on the other remark.

So then ponder this. If a man is held responsible for a child (and must pay chld support) and as a result should also have rights regarding adoption, etc. (as we both agree he should)...what are his rights regarding abortion of the fetus?

[Caldric]

Originally Posted by SherryGrace

So then ponder this. If a man is held responsible for a child (and must pay chld support) and as a result should also have rights regarding adoption, etc. (as we both agree he should)...what are his rights regarding abortion of the fetus?

I know I have thought about that many times. Sometimes I think the man should have a say but I think the courts would rule differently and I would agree with them. At that point it is her body we are speaking of and there may be reasons beyond just an unwanted child to have an abortion. The father at that point until the child is born should not have a say over the womans body. It would be wrong to have it any other way.