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| | #1 (permalink) |
| NCO ![]() | This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an empl oyee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least... 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' Regards, Walmart
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| | #2 (permalink) |
| Monkey Mouse ![]() | Darn men. Can't take them anywhere! ![]()
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| | #3 (permalink) |
| Jr. Officer ![]() | Gotta keep 'em home in bed (with a good woman).
__________________ "You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." Robin Williams. Support our Armed Forces (Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force and Coast Guard). 2007 Male Peeping Tom Award Winner, April, 2007 - MOTM Dec. 31, 2007 Outstanding Sheep Rancher Award (NAoPWOYE) Male Beasty Award-Winner 2008 |
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| | #4 (permalink) |
| Junior Officer ![]() | sounds like all that wal mart is good for
__________________ War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873) |
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| | #6 (permalink) |
| Junior Officer ![]() | I had my wife read this one...she said don't get any bright ideas
__________________ War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873) |
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| | #7 (permalink) |
| Icing Queen ![]() | ![]() (And who doesn't do those things at Walmart?)
__________________ Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in his keeping, We have you in our hearts. ~2004 winner of The Outreach Award ~2005 co-winner of The Bronze Button Award ~March 2006 Perv of the Month ~Sept 2006, Oct 2007 - MOTM ~2007 Oct-Dec MOTQ ~2007 Female Silver Raincoat Recipient ~2007 MOTY |
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