A Mom's Letter to Santa

[kzola2005]

Dear Santa,
>
>I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
children on
>demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold
sixty-two
>cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
>playground.
>
>I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
since I
>had to write this letter with my daughter's red crayon, on the back of
a
>receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll
find
>anymore free time in the next 18 years.
>
>
>Here are my Christmas wishes:
>
>I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which
>I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but
are
>strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
>grocery store.
>
>I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh
month of
>my last pregnancy.
>
>If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
resistant
>windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that
doesn't
>broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator
with
>a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
>hide to talk on the phone.
>
>On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,
Mommy"
>to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight
and
>three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of
power
>tools.
>
>I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in
the
>living room" and "Take your hands off your sister ," because my voice
seems
>to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by
the
>dog.
>
>If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time
>to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of
>eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
>Styrofoam container.
>
>If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten
>the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
>vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
>
>It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
>house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized
>crime family.
>
>Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my daughter saw my
feet
>under the laundry room door. I think she wants her crayon back. Have
a
>safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in
and
>dry off so you don't catch cold.
>
>Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
>crumbs on the carpet.
>
>Yours Always, MOM...!
>
>P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep
my
>children young enough to believe in Santa.
>

[conlor]

The last request would be easier than the others!