The Year's Best Headlines

[scotto]

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual]
HEADLINES OF 2004:

Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really]?

Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers

[now that's taking things a bit far]!

Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!

Miners Refuse to Work
after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think]?

Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thunk it]!

Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something]!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?

Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge]!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough]?

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
yikes!!

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR


Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.


On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

And at any northern Minnesota store:
Cold Beer Bait

-scotto

[Woodmonkey]