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| Non-Commissioned Officer ![]() | Jokes you can tell at Church The little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest dayof her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" ------------------------------------------------ A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again beganto pray, Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...but please don't shove me either!" -------------------------------------------- Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!" --------------------------------------------------- An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." ---------------------------------------------------- A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." ---------------------------------------------------- A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter." ----------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters? Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." ---------------------------------------------------- At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." ---------------------------------------------------- Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think bout all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad." |
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| Icing Queen ![]() | I'll pass these on to my mother, Joan. ![]()
__________________ Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in his keeping, We have you in our hearts. ~2004 winner of The Outreach Award ~2005 co-winner of The Bronze Button Award ~March 2006 Perv of the Month ~Sept 2006, Oct 2007 - MOTM ~2007 Oct-Dec MOTQ ~2007 Female Silver Raincoat Recipient ~2007 MOTY |
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| Non-Commissioned Officer ![]() | pleasant little jokes.
__________________ Alan Shore: Denny, I refuse to shoot you. Denny Crane: You... Democrat! Protesting war and banning guns. If you Nancys had your way, nobody would ever shoot anybody! And then where would we be?" ~Boston Legal~ Winner of the 2007 Trackpads Peeping Tom Award Click on the banner if you are up to the challenge! |
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