Jokes That Piled Up In My Email When I Was Sick

[AMVET91ALPHA]

<BLOCKQUOTE style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: blue 2px solid">A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply
for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license
to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had
left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very
sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

"I will have to go home and come back later."

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.

She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me," and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his
experience at the social security office.

She says, "You should have dropped your pants... You might have
gotten disability too."


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are
at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good
ones because they are afraid of falling and getting
hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from
the ground, that aren't as good, but easy....... The
apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to
wait for the right man to come along, the one who's
brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the
tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples, even
those who have already been picked!
Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as
grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of
them until they turn into something acceptable to have
dinner with.
Truth, sometimes HURTS!!!!!!


They walk among us........Kinda scary!!!

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of
the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being
hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
__________________________________________________ ____

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he
was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
______________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would
I know?" He smiled knowingly ! and nodded, "That's why we ask."
__________________________________________________ ____

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine
when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?!"
__________________________________________________ _

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was
leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully,
"this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just
looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself! and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not
turn on.
__________________________________________________ ___

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership
to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to
the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to
the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that
side."


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[AMVET91ALPHA]

SORRY WOULDN'T WORK..BUT LAUGH ANYWAY..

[USMC5831]

LMAO good ones there.