More humor!

[ebbabc]

Crossing JORDAN

President's George W. Bush, Bill Clinton & John Kerry Crossing the Jordan:
Bill Clinton, John Kerry and George W. Bush died and found themselves standing on the
other side of the Jordan River, looking across at the Promised Land.
The Archangel Michael was standing on the opposite side and shouted over to the three surprised Americans,
"Contrary to what you have been taught, each of you will have to wade across the Jordan River."
As Michael saw their perplexed looks, he reassured them by saying, "Don't worry. You will sink only proportionally
according to your sins on earth. The more you have sinned, the more you will sink into the water."
The three American sages of political lore looked at one another, trying todetermine who should be the first brave
soul to cross the Jordan River.
After some contemplation,George W. Bush volunteered to go first.
Slowly he began to wade out into the river, and slowly the water began to rise higher and higher, reaching to his waist.
George began to sweat, thinking that all of his sins were coming back to haunt him.
He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see the other side.
Finally, after what seemed liked an eternity, he began to emerge on the rivers bank.
As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to see which of the other brave souls was going next.
A shock of surprise registered on his face as he saw John Kerry almost in the middle of the river with his ankles barely
touching the water.
He turned to Michael and exclaimed,
"I know John Kerry. He is an acquaintance of mine, and he has sinned much, much more than that!"
Archangel Michael replied "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders."

Mom's Answering Machine
Hello- This is your Mother!
*If you want my advice:
PRESS 1
*If you want to argue:
PRESS 2
*If you want your father to drive you somewhere
PRESS 3
*If you want to leave a message:
WAIT FOR THE TONE
*If you want to aggravate me or borrow money:
HANG UP!

Are you Polish

A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage".
The clerk looked at him and asked "Are you Polish?"
The guy,clearly offended,says"Well, yes I am. But let me ask yousomething.
If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian ?
Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German ?
Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or, if I asked you for a Tac o, would you ask me if I was Mexican ?
Would ya, huh ? Would Ya"
The clerk says, "Well no"
"And if I asked you for some Irish Whiskey, would you ask me if I was Irish?
What about Canadian Bacon, would you ask me if I was Canadian?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't,"
With self-indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me
if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot".



WORDS OF WISDOM

-----Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional
5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we
don't know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least:

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

[conlor]

LMAO at the Polish one! Funny!