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01-29-2005, 14:23
| #1 (permalink) |
| Icing Queen   |  New Job Welfare A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year". The guy says, "You're bull****tin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well,,,, you started it."
__________________ Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in his keeping, We have you in our hearts. ~2004 winner of The Outreach Award ~2005 co-winner of The Bronze Button Award ~March 2006 Perv of the Month ~Sept 2006, Oct 2007 - MOTM ~2007 Oct-Dec MOTQ ~2007 Female Silver Raincoat Recipient ~2007 MOTY |
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01-29-2005, 14:35
| #2 (permalink) |
| Icing Queen | Friendship Friendship Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship: 1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. 6. When you are confused - I will use little words. 7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway. Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel
__________________ Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in his keeping, We have you in our hearts. ~2004 winner of The Outreach Award ~2005 co-winner of The Bronze Button Award ~March 2006 Perv of the Month ~Sept 2006, Oct 2007 - MOTM ~2007 Oct-Dec MOTQ ~2007 Female Silver Raincoat Recipient ~2007 MOTY |
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01-29-2005, 18:01
| #3 (permalink) |
| Racy Ol' Lady   | Re: Friendship Now this is reality, Connie. Funny, too - and the kind of friend we all need! 
__________________ Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! MOTM, Jan 2005, Aug 2007 Golden Cookie Award, 2005. Aug 2006 Perv of the Month Perv. Outreach Award, 2007 |
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) and soo true ~Laughs~ ~LMAO~
