[HUMOR] Al Gore stripped of Oscar

[Woodmonkey]

Andy Borowitz-The Borowitz Report
WEB-EXCLUSIVE SATIRE

An Oscar for Bush


In a stunning reversal for the former vice president, the Supreme Court ordered that Al Gore’s Academy Award be given to President Bush.

Feb. 27, 2007 - Just days after former Vice President Al Gore received an Academy Award for his global- warming documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth,” the Supreme Court handed Gore a stunning reversal, stripping him of his Oscar and awarding it to President George W. Bush instead.
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For Gore, who basked in the adulation of his Hollywood audience Sunday night, the high court’s decision to give his Oscar to President Bush was a cruel twist of fate, to say the least. But in a 5-4 decision handed down Tuesday morning, the justices made it clear that they had taken the unprecedented step of stripping Gore of his Oscar because President Bush deserved it more.

“It is true that Al Gore has done a lot of talking about global warming,” wrote Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the majority. “But President Bush has actually helped create global warming.”

In another setback for the former vice president, a group of scientists meeting in Oslo, Norway, today said that Gore was growing at an unsustainable rate. “The polar ice caps may be shrinking, but Al Gore is clearly expanding,” said Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the University of Tokyo.

The scientists concluded that if Gore continues to expand at his current rate, he could cause the earth to spin off its axis by 2010, sending it hurtling into the sun. “Here’s an inconvenient truth,” Dr. Kyosuke added. “Al’s got to stay away from those carbs.”

Elsewhere, after foreigners received a record number of Academy Award nominations, CNN anchor Lou Dobbs proposed building a 12-foot-high fence around the Kodak Theater in Los Angeles.

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