USS William Jefferson Clinton CVGS 1 sails on maiden voyage

[conlor]

USS William Jefferson Clinton CVGS 1 sails on maiden voyage
by Noslen Laup, API /New York Times Special Correspondent
November 11, 2005
San Francisco (API) – The latest member of the US Navy’s fleet deployed on sea trials today.
The USS William Jefferson Clinton set sail this morning from its home port in San Francisco. The ship is the first of its kind to be commissioned in the Navy, and it is considered to be a fitting legacy to the former president’s strong commitment to belittling the military and pushing for deep military budget cuts.
Made almost entirely out of recycled beer cans, the ship is solar powered and has a top speed of five knots. The first in the new CVGS (Carrier, Garbage Scow) class, it carries a complement of one decommissioned F14 Tomcat or F18 Hornet, aircraft that, although non-functioning, present a very menacing presence indeed.
Firearms are banned on board, but the ship is well armed with a deadly legal staff of activist judges. The diverse crew also includes members of every conceivable race, creed, sex, sexual orientation and Democratic Party subset (bed wetters, kid touchers, members of the American Criminal Liberties Union, and sex workers to name a few).
The ship’s mess is entirely vegetarian, and the crew is enjoined from wearing leather or smoking anything but the finest weed. Crew members that dislike the conformity of uniforms will be allowed to wear optional tie-dyed clothing or go naked.
In the former president’s honor, the ship will fly the Stained Blue Dress ensign.
Upon completion of its sea trials the USS Clinton will return to its San Francisco home port where it will be used for aggressive progressive social engineering. In case of an armed conflict, the ship will immediately deploy to Canada where it will practice passive defensive hiding.
Spoilsport Republican critics called the home port choice a sop to California Democratic Senator Diane Feinstein. They claim it was payback because the Navy refused her many requests to have a decommissioned battleship given to San Francisco to be turned in to an anti-war museum.
Democrats pooh-poohed the charges, claiming that, as usual, extremist right-wing Nazi zealot hate-filled racist homophobic money-grubbing anti-Semite Republicans were poisoning the national discourse.

[Bluehawk]

I think they really intended to name something in his honor out at the mothball fleet in the Carquinez Straits.

[Snowden]

Ah, the good old maiden voyages! We aren't hearing about those from the White House any more, are we...

[filthybeast]

I know of this Ship Its nickname is the dont ask dont tell ship that goes down on itself.

Kind of long but it gets the point across.

[Snowden]

Originally Posted by filthybeast

I know of this Ship Its nickname is the dont ask dont tell ship that goes down on itself.

Kind of long but it gets the point across.

Yes, it does at that, Beasty.

Of course, maiden voyages were always his favorite means of travel, weren't they.. He always knew which end was up.

[Woodmonkey]

I didn't see a cigar ration for the crew.