You know you're a nurse when...

[JohnRN]

-Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal
-You like to spend the holidays with your friends at work.
-You believe that a good tape job will fix anything.
-Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change.
-You believe in a serial spraying of Prozac.
-You encourage an obxious patient to sign himself out so you don't have to deal with him.
-Your diet consists of foods that have gone through more processing than most computers.
-You say to yourself "Great veins" as you pass by perfect strangers.
-You want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...doing it right."
-You believe that "stupid" should be a diagnosis.
-You think caffiene should come in IV form.
-You enjoy restraining someone, and it is not for sex.
-Your bladder expands to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
-Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
-You get an irrestiable urge to wolf down your food in less than 3 minutes, even when you are at a nice restaurant.
-You have referred to subcutaneous emphysema air as "Rice Krispies".
-You've held a 14 gauge needle over someone's vein and remarked "There's only going to be a little pain-this will only hurt for a second."
-You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work.
-Your life motto is "If it is wet, sticky and not yours, don't touch it."
-You've sworn that you are going to have "No Code" tattoed to your chest.
-Your family members have a fever of 105, a dismemberment of a limb and active vleeding before you give them any sympathy.
-You believe every patient needs TLC: thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine
-You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light
-You have a tendency to laugh at your patients "big" problem
-Your sense of humor seems more "warped" each year
-You think pizza, cookies, and a coke make a balanced meal
-You believe that saying "It can't get worse: causes it to get worse just to show you it can (Same lines of never say "quiet, not busy or, God forbid, SLOW")
-You have ever wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder (And considered it your break)
-You have a recurring nightmare of being hit & run over by the portable x-ray machine
-You have ever had a patient say, "I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant! I can't be having a baby!" (While looking at their ultrasound showing them to be 39.4 weeks pregnant and having a contraction!!)
-You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level (we call it 'alco-lotto at our emerg)
-You believe the ER waiting room should have a Valium salt lick
-You know it's a full moon without looking at the sky
-You have ever had to deal with someone who thinks being constipated for 4 hrs is an emergency
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley....
-You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious
-You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.....
-You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse
-Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you
-You can intubate your friends at parties
-You don't get excited about blood unless it's your own
-You live by the motto, " to be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
-You've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe
-You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help
-Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly normal
-You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during break, sitting up and not be embarrsased when you wake up
-You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off
- When someone tells you they fell/cut themselves/had surgery etc etc and you ask if you can see the wound?
- You write a letter or email and find yourself using "nursing shorthand" while writing?
- When watching ER or some other medical drama you find yourself yelling out diagnoses or treatments?
- You are going out to dinner or somewhere nice and realize you have no nice clothes but 500 pairs of scrubs in every color, style, and print available?
- You use bandage scissors to cut coupons.
- When someone tells you they aren't feeling well, the first question out of your mouth is "Are you drinking enough water?" followed by "any nausea? dizziness? diarrhea?"
- You can go into a 1/2 hour rant on the important of hand washing.
- You are a strong believer in comfortable shoes.
- When you are going to write something, the first thing you do is look for a black pen. Other ink colors just aren't allowed.
- You have pens and note pads from every ambulance company, drug rep, and medical facility around.
- you have a sneaking suspicion that you might be a kleptomaniac---where did all these pens/syringes/papers/etc come from?
- You use hemostats as a household tool to fish the toothpaste lid out of the sink drain, pull frayed shoelaces through the eyeletts of your childs shoes, and to fix the spark plug connection on the lawnmower. (among other things).
- You think the perfect patient is an I & D..intubated..diprvan drip
- You know that bilnd leading the blind......2 ortho surgeons looking at an EKG
- You think that the perfect lunch is eating the bagel you picked up at 6am and it`s now 4:40 pm
- Someone "Gives you the finger" and you pull out a lancet and Glucometer
- You rely more on a person's LOC (level of consciousness) than you do their IQ
- think nothing of going shopping after a shift with their uniform or shoes covered in bodily fluids!
- hear someone in the checkout line fart & think;"Ah, good bowel sounds"!



Enjoy!

[JohnRN]

You know you are a nurse...when you can actually laugh (after the fact, of course) when recounting the story of you getting sprayed from head to toe with blood (or some other bodily fluid, like vomit)....in graphic detail just to gross out your non-nursing friends.

When it happened to me...my first time...the other ICU nurses told me I had been officially 'baptized' - Yes, our sense of humour IS sick.

[satin_patriot]

I'll have to send this to my sister-in-law...

[JohnRN]

Originally Posted by satin_patriot

I'll have to send this to my sister-in-law...

I've got tons more where that came from!

[GoddessLindsey]

John-



SO TRUE!! Hahah I'm at school right now..I'm printing this off and taking it to class with me. Thanks!

[conlor]

John, I'm not a nurse but have worked in a hospital long enough, I can relate to probably 1/2 of these.

One nurse at work says you know when you've been at the job a while when you can carry a s****y diaper (adult) in one hand and eat a banana with the other, and you think nothing of it.

[JohnRN]

Anyone of you ever pondered the "eternal question" :: Is the bedpan half-full or half-empty ?