My 9/11 Dilemma

[AndJusticeForAll]

OK, I have a a dilemma. As we all know, the 3rd Anniversary of 9/11 is fast approaching and for the first time since 9/11, the day falls on a Saturday, a leisure day. That in and of itself just feels and seems strange. Too easy to just get back to normal on a Saturday. On TV and on the radio, I hear about just too much stuff going on on September 11th that in NOT related to what that day really means. It's all car sales, seafood fests, Stereo Expos, whatever...

So, that is one thing bothering me.

Also, and more importantly... I'm going to a wedding on 9/11!! Yup, a wedding. Now, let me first explain that the family (part of my wife's family) has a history of weddings on September 11th going back several years before 9/11. Personally I think the day is innapropriate for a wedding but they can do what they want. It's their life. My issue is that I think it's wrong to expect a hundred plus people to come and celebrate, drink, eat, dance, and be generally merry on a day that is anything but merry. Plus we all know how goofy weddings can be. The electric slide, the chicken dance...

Who can do the chicken dance on 9/11?

I don't want to be a bore or disappoint my wife but I just think I'll feel very guilty having a good time on that day. I feel like I'm expected to put my thoughts of what that day really means to me on a backburner and celebrate the wedding and the gathering of family. Maybe I won't be the only one who feel this way but how will I ever know?

Thoughs and opinions?

[JohnRN]

Cherish the memory of the dead, by living life all that more. Spare them a thought, a quiet prayer, a moment of respect. Then wipe away that tear and get on with life.

Live their unlived life through yours. Give them life that way.

This September 7th was the anniversary when my beloved girl was taken away from me, never to come back. If I started feeling guilty on all the days I wish to observe in respect of their dead, I wouldn't have a life.

I came to this realisation because living life by any other means is simply too painful. I'm weak, some can handle it better than I. I can't.

I react to grief differently than most people I know. I usually smile, have a laugh, have a few drinks in their memory and immortalise them by repeating their story whenever I can. Many people think I am a little callous to remember the dead through merriment and joy. But my simple philosophy of life is this -- happiness comes and goes, but it is this sadness that is your constant companion.

We all live our lives, in the constant shadow of death. So why dear death? Why give it some extra-ominous meaning?

Embrace sadness. Laugh in the face of it. Live your life through it, in the face of it all.


'Tis my humble opinion.

[Snowden]

Originally Posted by John.

Cherish the memory of the dead, by living life all that more. Spare them a thought, a quiet prayer, a moment of respect. Then wipe away that tear and get on with life.

Live their unlived life through yours. Give them life that way.

This September 7th was the anniversary when my beloved girl was taken away from me, never to come back. If I started feeling guilty on all the days I wish to observe in respect of their dead, I wouldn't have a life.

I came to this realisation because living life by any other means is simply too painful. I'm weak, some can handle it better than I. I can't.

I react to grief differently than most people I know. I usually smile, have a laugh, have a few drinks in their memory and immortalise them by repeating their story whenever I can. Many people think I am a little callous to remember the dead through merriment and joy. But my simple philosophy of life is this -- happiness comes and goes, but it is this sadness that is your constant companion.

We all live our lives, in the constant shadow of death. So why dear death? Why give it some extra-ominous meaning?

Embrace sadness. Laugh in the face of it. Live your life through it, in the face of it all.


'Tis my humble opinion.

That's a good way to live, John. Take a minute or two to reflect, say a prayer if it seems right - and live the life God gave us. It's a very good opinion.

We need to celebrate life. We also need to remember the way those people died and why - and get those terrorists dead. Sorry; but being nice to them is not an option. Neither is letting grief run our lives.

[JohnRN]

A few years back, when I got slammed by back to back tragedies (my best friend, his Mother and my girl all passed away in less than a year), I became very angry, very very bitter and depressed. I actually thought that I was the unlucky one, that everyone else got a chance to leave this hell, while I was stuck here... still alive.

It took me a long time to adjust, and I still haven't adjusted.

I can feel what AJFA is going through. I feel that the man is more than just emotionally wounded by 9/11... he's hurting deeper than that. There comes a point after every death that you grieve through, that you question the usefulness of this life, of your life... and most importantly, the importance of the person who just died.

Unless you live your life, how can you tell if you avenged their deaths?

Will you also live life, sad and depressed, angry and bitter? Would you like those who have passed on to remember you this way? Is this how you cherish their memories? By garlanding it with sadness, unending grief and pain?

How do you justify their lives? What is the best way to immortalise them? By remembering how they died? Or remembering how they lived?

If you keep speaking of the way they lived their lives, they never really die, do they?

Ahh, if only Saima were here now! She's give me to hard knocks on the head and tell me "quit thinking so much and gimme a hug and a kiss!"

She always had a way with me, that girl! Sorry AJFA, I didn't mean to ramble on...

[Snowden]

Yes, the pain seems more than just for strangers.. AJFA, did you lose a friend on 9/11? Or a family member? Is this a personal hurt, I mean; or do you suffer because this country was dealt such a terrible blow?

If it's personal, don't feel you must answer, but if John's right, it gives a somewhat different slant to how deeply you feel and why. Just loving the US is reason enough.

But I remember the shock of December 7th, and this was worse in many ways. For one thing it was an act of war with no way to declare war against a known enemy.

[GoddessLindsey]

AJFA~

I compleltey understand what you're saying. When Jason and I were looking at places to have our reception, quite a few of them only had the 11th open. I obviously didn't pick any of those places, because I just couldn't picture myself celebrating on the anniversary of such a tragic day. Not to mention that many of our guests are from out of the state, and I know they wouldn't feel comfortable flying during that time. I had to fly on 9-11 last year because Jason's grandma passed away. I can't explain the feeling that I had while I was in the air, just knowing that all of those people were also 'just flying,' but met a different fate.


On the flip side~I can see where people would celebrate in saying that we have to keep living our lives and screw the terrorist type of mentality.

I really think it's just what side of the coin one looks at. Just my .02

[odannyboy]

My friend, who's wedding I was in, was married three years ago tommorrow.

It was Saturday, September 8th, 2001. Three days later life changed forever.