The 2005 Home Run Derby

[MACTANK]

Comerica brought to its knees by Abreu

And now, following a truly inexplicable Home Run Derby, here's a sentence you have never read before:

Comerica Park: What a freakin' bandbox.

OK, everybody who predicted that Detroit's favorite canyonesque ballpark would be the scene of the two greatest rounds of rocket-launching in the history of the Home Run Derby, step forward and claim your free car.

Uh, wait a second. Not so fast. We're going to need to see a notarized note from your mother. And your lawyer.


Nobody predicted this.

Not a 24-homer first round from a mere one human being (ultimate winner Bobby Abreu of the Phillies).

Not a 17-homer first round, many minutes later, from a guy who didn't even make it to the finals.

Not 107 total home runs, in a ballpark with the same approximate dimensions as South Dakota.

Not 41 total home runs in three rounds by the guy who won it. "Forty-one" laughed Carlos Lee's designated Derby pitcher, Brewers coach Rich Donnelly. "I was pretty sure that five was gonna win it."

But some funny, funny things happened Monday night at Comerica Park. Things that long-time Comerica observers had never, ever seen in their lives ... and no doubt ever will again.

"I saw some balls hit here tonight I've never seen hit," said Pudge Rodriguez, the hometown hero who came into the Derby with a whopping six homers this year -- and charged right into the finals on a wave of hometown passion. "I've never seen anybody hit a ball in the upper deck in right field. But Abreu hit about five of them."

Before this Derby, the longest home run in the history of the stadium was a 457-footer by the immortal Eric Munson. In an outrageous first round, Abreu smoked one that slightly beat that one -- like by 60 feet.

Abreu is a man who has never hit more than 31 home runs in one season. So it's safe to say he wasn't exactly a lock to go out and hit 41 in one night.

But from the first swing he took -- a swing that resulted in a 434-foot commuter flight halfway up the lower deck in right -- he just had a crazy look in his eye. A Bonds-ian kind of look. A Ruth-ian kind of look. A this-Derby's-history kind of look.

"Usually in BP, Bobby hits a couple of line drives, just to get a feel," said his Phillies teammate, Jimmy Rollins. "But when he hit that first one, I said, 'Uh-oh.'"

Good call. Because that first one kicked off the greatest round in Derby history -- 24 home runs. The old record was 15, by Miguel Tejada last year in Houston. To put that in perspective, had Mark McGwire broken Roger Maris' record by the same percentage seven years ago, he would have hit 97 homers.

McGwire's biggest Derby round ever was 13 ('99, in Boston). Barry Bonds' record was 10 ('96, in Philadelphia). Sammy Sosa topped out at 12 ('02, in Milwaukee).

But none of those boppers could be with us Monday night. In fact, none of the top 30 active home run hitters took part in this extravaganza. So Abreu apparently took it upon himself to salvage this Derby singlehandedly.